A month has gone by ...

It's hard to believe that we have been home for a little over a month.

 The time has flown by.  Four days after we got home, I started with training and working in my classroom.  Daniel started right back up with his landscaping business ... before we knew it we were right back into our lives here.  We didn't have much down time or time to debrief from what we had just gone through.  The first few weeks - I was going through the motions and found myself in survival mode.  I was doing what had and needed to be done ... with little time to catch my breath.

I can not really put into words what the past month has left me feeling like.  There are days when I go throughout the day and find myself falling right back into place in my life here.  Going to get  groceries, cleaning the house, responsibilities at work piled a mile high, and going through the motions.

There are more days where I am stuck trying to search to find who I am now- because I am not the gal that left this life behind in May. 

I feel like I am different from the inside out - I process differently, I think differently, and I live differently.  Things that never crossed my mind before Honduras now flood my mind.  When I find myself wanting something that I think that I need, I realize just how centered I have been on the things of this life that do not even matter.  When I don't want to finish my food or find myself throwing food away, my mind races directly back to the faces that are engraved on my heart from the City Dump and La Roca.  The faces of those men, women, and children that I know would rejoice over what I find to be disposable.

It has been a rough transition back to everyday life for me.  I catch myself thinking about the kiddos that I left my heart with and wondering what they are doing.  I wish so badly that I could hear their voices or feel their hugs.  School just has not been the same for me the last two weeks.  I have not felt the way that I have the last 5 years in my classroom.  The pictures that I have put up of our trip help to get me through the day but I truly feel like something is missing or just not quite right.

It's been a difficult month ... but I am so thankful that it has been rough.  I would not want to return from Honduras unchanged or unmoved by what we experienced.  This month has allowed me to reflect on my two months in Honduras and realize the Lord's purpose in that trip.  It made me more like Him - and after all - that's what this life is all about.